Bending the Equation
by This-and-That
Summary: Alice/Bella. Edward's decision to leave Forks was slowly tearing his family to pieces. Alice receives a horrifying vision and returns, only to come face to face with the girl she not only believed to be dead, but so undeniably loved. AU.
1. Brooding, Shock, and Awe

**Oh, me and my side projects. Another Alice/Bella story coming up because I just watched New Moon again. Let's see how long I can keep this one up . . . Note, there are 6 started and unfinished Twilight stories on my laptop at the moment. So I'm sorry if updates are infrequent. **

**Going from writing 'Hot and Cold' in all its humorous, grammar-defying glory, to this slightly angsty fic was a little bit weird. Go easy on me. :)**

**(Side note: I used the exact same words from the movie for half of the reunion scene; oh Megavideo, you are so helpful.)  
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I let my body hang from the tree, hooked onto a branch with the crook of my legs. I think I was meant to be reincarnated as a monkey - if death had allowed that to happen. Clearly it hadn't, as I was now a vampire forever frozen in the body of a teenager. One would think that after a hundred years, and promise of even more years to come, life would get easier; that time would pass by faster and patience would become a natural virtue. On the contrary, the past year had been hellish and painfully slow with the latest 'addition' to our coven. Bella Swan.

Now, I couldn't really say 'addition', seeing as she was still human, but since every event and focused action seemed to revolve around her lately, she seemed as much part of the family as I was. Her and Edward; so innocently in love with one another. Inseparable, intense, so alive when they were together . . . and all that jazz.

I didn't know when it started, or how it started. I just knew that it happened and it was still happening, no matter how hard I fought it. It began as a simple feeling: I _liked_ being around her. I liked the fact that she was simple, unlike my extravagant family; that she was accepting of us; that she was easy and enjoyable to be with. But it became more than that.

I didn't notice that I had started to grow an affinity to the little things. Not just the way that she couldn't walk on her own two feet without creating her own impending doom, but the way that she bit her lip when she was thinking hard, or the way that she tapped her fingers when she was nervous. I liked how in everything she did, she did it in a way that was so . . . _'Bella'_ of her. I couldn't explain it if I tried; hell, I couldn't figure it out for myself and I_ had _been trying.

Somewhere along the lines of me becoming her friend, to her becoming Edward's girlfriend, and then me becoming her best friend, I started falling.

It wasn't just a fall. It was a free fall. Before I knew it, I was thrust into a world where everything mattered and everything was unique, all in relation to _her_. I felt like a newborn when I was around her - as if I was exploring the world with new eyes for the first time. It didn't make sense to me; and here I was, thinking I had it all figured out.

I'd come to terms with a couple of things between then and now. One; that I was utterly, hopelessly, and unwillingly in love with Bella Swan. Two; that no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't _not_ be in love with Bella Swan. And three; that Bella Swan was in love with Edward, as he was with her, and I was in no way in the equation at all.

I sighed. C'est la vie.

I wondered how long I could stay out here in the tree. Technically, I could stay forever, providing that an animal waltzed its way into my fangs every now and then - but I knew my family would come looking for me before it could come to that point. They were protective of me and it wouldn't sit well if I stayed out without telling them where I was headed. Or wasn't headed. Whatever.

The family was, in the best terms I could think of, _fragile_ right now. It had only been a few months since Edward made the decision to leave Forks and his dearest Bella behind, and move us to a town where she wouldn't be able to find us. Nobody talked about it much; the family was okay with moving away so quickly - seeing as we do it every 4 years or so anyways; but the dynamics had completely changed. Carlisle and Esme stayed their usual caring selves, though the rest of us weren't doing so well. Edward brooded in his room all day, asking to be left alone; I took to the forest, finding it a nice place to clear my thoughts; the result of Edward and I's isolation had thence caused Emmett to lose some of his usual spark and thinned his patience to even Rosalie these days - Rosalie, her naturally bitter self even more angry now that she had pegged Bella as a 'homewrecker'. Then there was Jasper . . . Oh, Jasper.

He knew exactly what I was feeling, exactly when I felt it. His gift was an amazing ability, though in this case it seemed moreso like a curse. He knew everything I felt for Bella and probably understood it even more than I did. We both acknowledged this, knowing that it was none of our faults. Bella just. . . happened. Jasper continued to call himself my mate for my own sake, allowing me to keep up my facade against Edward this entire time. He was willing to do that because he loved me. He loved me, even though I no longer loved him back.

If only things were simple. If only Bella Swan could give me my heart back.

...

"How was your day?" Esme asked, as I walked into the house.

"Fine." I replied. I knew I sounded deflated, but I didn't bother to mask it. Those types of things don't pass under Esme these days.

The skin beside Esme's eyes crinkled with concern.

I felt horrible for her - she had watched her children, her _family_, slowly fall to pieces before her eyes. Nobody could blame Bella of course, well, except for Rosalie; but it was all in silent agreement that without her entrance into our lives, we'd all be back in Forks living happily as we had for decades.

That human had package, to say the least.

Esme smiled sadly at me, and we both knew there was nothing she could do. Had we been human she could've offered to make some tea and maybe we'd sip it in bonding silence; but being vampires had its own isolating effects. She nodded to me in silent understanding and I walked upstairs to my room - not that I would sleep, but maybe I'd busy myself with a book. All this incessant thinking about Bella was tiresome.

Just as I had entered my room, I felt the familiar tugging in my stomach and suddenly my vision changed. The room faded away and was replaced with swirling waves and an angry wind. The picture backed up and I could feel myself freeze, seeing Bella peering over the cliff. I wanted to scream 'No!' as I watched Bella remove her shoes and the items in her pockets carefully before edging closer to the drop. She was going to kill herself, Bella was going to jump off and kill herself! The brunette closed her eyes for a bit longer than a standard blink, before propelling herself off the edge. I watched in horror as she fell through the air with nothing to catch her; body hitting the water with a huge splash. 'Get up, get up, get up.' I pleaded to the unhearing Bella. The vision showed the water lap over her and her shape was lost. I searched the water wildy, feeling myself being pulled away from the scene, my bedroom coming back into my view. Bella didn't resurface.

I ran down the stairs with vampiric speed, stopping inside Carlisle's study. He looked up at me curiously, immediately knowing something was wrong. He was the only person I wanted to tell before going to see for myself. I wouldn't tell the others, and certainly not Edward - his reaction could be fatal. Instead, I looked into the eyes of one of the only people I could trust these days.

"Yes?" Said Carlisle, concern edging at his voice.

I took a deep breath that I didn't need.

"I'm going to Forks."

* * *

"I can't protect you if you go in there, Bella!" Roared Jacob, willing me to come back to him.

But I'd seen Carlisle's car in my driveway; if they had come back, if _he _had come back, then I was going inside. "I'm going in, Jacob." I said, and I could see him start to shake with anger. But that didn't matter to me right now, right now what mattered was that the Cullens were back. I gave Jake another look that told him exactly what my intentions were, and he spun on his heel angrily walking into the forest.

I turned to my door and twisted the knob, feeling anxiety build up in my stomach. The sweet smell of wild flowers hit my nose immediately as I walked in and I came face to face with Alice.

"Alice? Oh my God-" I threw my arms around her, relishing the feeling of her cold skin. She was here, she was actually here!

"Bella?" she croaked.

When I pulled away from her, she looked like she had seen a ghost. "I'm sorry, I- I just can't believe you're here, it – is-"

"Do you mind explaining to me how you're still _alive_?" She asked, her eyes wide with disbelief.

"What?" I didn't understand what she was saying, and there were so many thoughts and questions swirling around in my head.

"I saw a vision of you – you jumped off a _cliff_. Why in the hell would you try to kill yourself? I mean, what about Charlie? What about-"

"I didn't try to kill myself," I said, cutting her off. Was that what she thought? Is that the only reason she came back? "I was cliff jumping, recreationally. It was . . . fun." I said, my motor functions weren't quite working right now.

Alice looked off to the side, seeming more angry than shocked. I still couldn't believe it though - Alice Cullen was standing in my house. I took in her beauty; it had been so long since I'd seen the vampiric beauty of a Cullen, so long since my eyes had grazed the pale flawlessness. Her golden eyes were so much like Edward's, they were so familiar yet it felt as if they were just a vague memory.

Alice looked as if she didn't know what to do. "I'd better go," She said quietly, motioning towards the door.

"No!" I cried, horrified. "Please, please don't leave me." I said almost automatically, my hands wrapping around her cold, stone ones. The thought of her leaving was terrifying, unacceptable even.

"It was a mistake, Bella." Alice tried to say. She could have pulled away easily, but she stayed grounded; something I was grateful for. I couldn't take it - I couldn't lose the Cullens again, not when they had just returned. Even if it was only Alice, I _needed_ her, I needed something to tell me it wasn't all a dream. Right now, she was my only link to the happiness I'd found in Edward. She was here, in the flesh - not just voices in my head, not just memories; she was _here _and she was my hope. "The rest don't know I'm here, I wasn't supposed to come back. I'm just happy you're alive." She said, her features taken over by some undecipherable emotion.

"Please don't," I begged again. "I can't lose you, I-I just can't. You're too important!" I threw my arms around her for the second time and let the tears that had been welling up in my eyes finally fall. I sobbed quietly into her shoulder, she'd couldn't leave, she just _couldn't_. Not while I was like this; not while I needed her.

Alice sighed, pulling away from the hug and looking me in the eye. "Oh, Bella . . ." She said, her voice coming out as a feathery whisper. The voice was a mixture of pity and sadness, maybe even something else. I wanted to hug her again, I wanted to be as close to her as possible; latching onto her so that if she left, she would have to take me with her.

Her face was troubled, as if she was debating something internally; I stared back with pleading eyes. It was as if my panic and utter hopelessness had broken her resolve, because she cupped my face in her hands comfortingly and wiped away the tears from my cheeks. "I'm not going anywhere, Bella." She said, and I could see that she was being genuine. "Not until you tell me to."


	2. Just a Little Ironic

**Oh angst, how I hate writing you. **

**Enjoy the second part! And if you haven't noticed, POVs switch frequently. I'm deciding who's head is more fun to be in. :)**

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_What was with me_?

I was sitting in Bella's house. Sitting on her couch. Sitting, waiting for her to return from the kitchen.

Why in the hell did I agree to stay?

These months I'd been away I had convinced myself it was for the greater good; that by being away from Forks, being away from _Bella_, the hole in my chest would stop aching. I had drilled it into my head that it was better to not be in her life at all, than want her and never be able to have her. But here I was, waiting for her to make tea.

It had taken all my strength to tear myself away from her, to tell her that I'd better leave. All my strength to _try_ to leave, after just finding out she was alive. I had received the shock of a lifetime, elation beyond belief, and even thought I was dreaming - were that still possible, when I had seen Bella with my own two eyes. Then, as if it were a duty, I forced myself to break away from her, yet again. It shouldn't have been a surprise though; with her arms clasped around me, warming up my frozen skin, I knew I wouldn't be able to say no. A part of me knew that even though I would try, I couldn't leave her - not when she asked me to stay; not when, for once, it was actually if she _needed_ me. I just wasn't that strong. I wanted her way too much.

The incredible scent of Bella became stronger and I instinctively raised my head, watching the door before she came into the room. She was holding a mug in her right hand, and waved slightly at me with the other.

God. It was the little things like that - the way she waved at me after only being in the other room, that I couldn't get out of my head. Why did it all matter so much to me? The thoughts were trivial and the questions unanswered. Acceptance, as I had learned months ago, was the only path I could take without going mental.

I surveyed her, frowning as I did. She was the same, beautiful Bella I had known for the past year; yet, things had obviously changed. She had always been skinny, but now she looked _too_ skinny. Her pale skin was even moreso pronounced, especially with the faded dark circles that hung underneath her eyes. Even the way she stood was altered, her thin frame seemed shrunken in, defeated almost. In the best terms, she looked frail; nothing like a girl whose best friends had been vampires. Bella looked like a simple teenager - a simple teenager with teenaged problems. I sighed. This lifeless image of her hurt me; it hurt me that she was hurting herself.

"You look like you haven't been eating." I said, my words dripping with concern.

Bella gave a half-hearted shrug, walking over to join me on the couch. "I haven't had an appetite lately." She said. We both knew it was more than that, but I knew better than to reprimand her on such a fragile topic.

After the initial shock of the unforeseen reunion, we'd gotten right into talking about the past 8 months. It was painful to hear her describe her slow, spiraling decent in Edward's absence. It only reminded me of how much she loved him.

Bella told me of the difficulties in coping after we'd left; about how she'd felt lost, abandoned, and completely alone. I listened to her stories intently, grinding my teeth ever so slightly. I couldn't tell if I was angry or sad, and all I knew was that if we hadn't left, if _I_ hadn't left, then maybe things would be different. I hated seeing her like this and knowing she'd gone through so much. Bella relayed the past events, telling me about her reckless behaviour, her social withdrawal, and her broken heart. On the latter part, I felt like I could sympathize. She seemed to have had as much trouble alone as I had, except her distraught caused by a completely different person. I didn't want this and I knew Edward didn't want this; yet, it was the way things turned out. My stomach flipped and twisted in pain as she told me how she would put her life in danger just to hear Edward's voice, just to feel his presence. _That_ part made me angry beyond belief, but I kept my composure; their relationship had hurt me for so long, and I wasn't going to give up my facade now.

And then she started talking about Jacob . . . How he was there for her when things were the darkest, how he made her laugh and stuck with her through her hardest times. I couldn't help but feel guilty, jealous even, of this Jacob boy who got to spend so much time with Bella and have her undivided attention. I could have been that person; I knew I could have. It was like an irresistible urge to just be there for Bella. To just _be_.

"And now you're back," She finished, trying to smile but not quite getting there. The feeble attempt was even more agonizing than her not smiling at all. And then she sighed, adding in an even quieter voice. "and Edward's not."

I searched her brown eyes, and couldn't help but notice how broken they were. They started to rim with tears and I could tell that she was fighting them back. The sight broke my heart and I immediately reached out to grab her hand.

"Bella . . ." I said, gently squeezing her warm fingers.

Oh, Edward; what have you done to her?

"Why didn't he come back?" She asked, voice borderline miserable.

I wanted to say something, anything to make her feel better. I might have even told her that he still loved her; but I couldn't - not when Edward was adamant on keeping her convinced otherwise. Instead, I pulled her into my arms and let her sob into my chest. There was nothing else I could do; this was something she'd have to figure out for herself. For now, I could only sit on the couch with her, letting her hold me to her heart's content. I was just fine with that.

...

Sometime between the confessing, the crying, and the holding, I had fallen asleep in Alice's lap. It was so good to hold someone again, so good to feel her cold skin and see her golden eyes. I guess I had looked pretty pathetic last night, because Alice's usual sparky self had looked so distraught that I knew something was wrong. I guess that wrong thing was me. I hadn't been taking care of myself lately, and I knew that it showed.

I cracked open my eyes, feeling around the couch. Alice wasn't there.

My head shot up and I looked around; she wasn't in the room. My stomach sank and the familiar feeling of panic arose in my stomach - she had left me while I was sleeping. I wanted to hit myself, she left me. I was alone again._ No, no, no._

I heard some clinking in the kitchen, figuring it was Charlie, and I ran towards the noise. I didn't want to be alone.

"Good morning!" Said an usually bubbly Alice Cullen. She was scrambling eggs in a pan, her outfit complete with an apron."Well, technically it's the afternoon. You slept forever." She said with a smile.

Relief flooded through me and I wanted to cry all over again. "You're still here," I croaked. I wanted to touch her to see if she was real, to smell her in case this was a dream. Except I stayed grounded, the smell of breakfast foods filling my nose.

Alice raised an eyebrow at me. "I said I wouldn't leave." She said, flipping the scrambled eggs into the air and back into the frying pan. God, she even made scrambled eggs look graceful. "I figured I should feed you, seeing as humans have a tendency to eat."

I wanted to thank her for not leaving me, tell her how much I needed her _not_ to leave me. Instead, all that came out was a "Yeah."

I sat down at the kitchen table, and as if it was an invitation, Alice piled so many breakfast foods in front of me that it would have served a small starving family. Eggs, toast, cereal, pancakes, chocolate milk - I didn't even know we had chocolate milk in the fridge. I took a piece of toast, nibbling at the edge quietly. Alice looked delighted. "I love cooking." She said, turning her back to raid my fridge once more. "I never get to do it, seeing as no one in my family eats; but I find it so entertaining!" She mused.

I smiled at her. It was good to have her back in my life. The usual gloomy kitchen seemed so much brighter when she was in it, and I protested when she started making me a sandwich. "Alice, I can't possibly eat all this food." I said, holding my hands up.

Alice snorted. "Nonsense. I've seen teenagers eat before, and they can eat forever. Plus, you're looking too skinny-thinny these days." She gave me a knowing glance, and my hands snaked self-consciously around my torso.

"I'm going to get fat." I mumbled, sticking a fork into the nearby eggs. They did smell delicious.

Alice shrugged. "More to love." She said.

I was beyond full and the table of food barely looked like it had been touched. I ate a lot, because I didn't want to disappoint her; also because I was starving. I couldn't remember the last time I ate a real meal - I just wasn't hungry these days. Alice was sitting across from me, watching me eat intently with her head propped up in her hands. I chewed slowly, and she seemed to find it very fascinating.

"Are you going to tell me I'm a great cook, or what?" She said triumphantly.

I laughed. "Actually, yeah, you are." I'd give her at least that much credit. Everything I ate felt like I was paying five bucks a bite. "I don't know how, since you never get to cook. Is this what you've been doing for the past 8 months?" I asked her.

Alice blanched, and I had no idea why; though she recovered quickly with a smile. "Not quite." She said.

I was intrigued. "Then, what?" I asked her. Last night was mostly me talking; I hardly got more than vague details about the Cullen family and I wanted more.

"What, what?" She asked, her eyes looking maybe a little too innocent.

"What have you been up to while you were away?" I pressed on.

Alice looked to the side, shrugging carefully. "You know . . . Climbing trees, eating things with hearts, the usual vampire stuff."

That wasn't satisfying. "That's all?" I asked. That couldn't be all - they were _vampires_, they were superhuman. They should be like, doing superhuman stuff. Whatever that entailed.

Alice laughed, the musical sound bouncing off the walls of the kitchen and coming back to my ears. "We don't all have as interesting lives as you do, Bella Swan." She said, and I screwed up my face in mock disappointment. Alice sighed, but it was more playful than serious. "If you must know, the majority of us were missing you." She said, giving me a wink.

I might have gasped. Missing me? But they left, how could they be missing _me_? And I didn't fail to notice how she had said majority; was that disincluding Edward? Or maybe she was talking about Rosalie. But still, they missed me?

"Oh look at you, it's like you've transformed into sunshine." Alice teased, breaking me free of my thoughts.

I guess I hadn't noticed the goofy grin that spread across my face.

"Shut up." I said, throwing a grape at her; which she dodged at human speed. I was never a pitcher, that was for sure.

"A human should never get into a food fight with a vampire." She warned, and we both laughed at the underlying irony.

I sighed. I forgot how easy it was to be with Alice.

If anyone was to come back for me, then, aside from the obvious choice, I was glad it was her. She was just so . . . Alice.


End file.
